The Internal Mommy Wars

I was getting dressed for the day, drying my hair and mentally running through my checklist of what still needed to be done before we had to leave the house.

Big kids are ready.

Baby needs to be dressed, diapered and nursed.

Stroller is loaded.

Stroller?  

Wait, maybe I should skip the stroller and use my Ergo, my favorite baby carrier.  This was, after all, a La Leche League meeting.  My first one, in fact.  While I've recommended that many women attend these meetings, I'd never been, and I wanted to see what it was all about.  LLL published my favorite book on nursing, The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, which I have read cover to cover, twice (7th & 8th editions).  It's good stuff.  But more important than anything, I wanted to meet the ladies who run my local LLL, so that I can easily refer moms to them should they need any "real" help, beyond the scope of what I can do.

In fact, it was a La Leche League leader who coached me through my breastfeeding issues with my first baby.  She was amazing.  And even before I got help from her, it was another former LLL leader who encouraged me over the phone when her daughter called her up and said "Hey Mom, my friend Gabby is having some nursing issues!"  Suffice it to say, I love these ladies.  They are incredible women and I share their passion for breastfeeding.

Yet there's one area where we differ.  I'm not "all in" when it comes to Attachment Parenting.  I'm not against it, but it's just not me.  Or at least a lot of it's not.  I'm a mixed bag when it comes to parenting techniques, but you'd probably be safe to describe me as more conventional in some areas.

LLL is very much in favor of attachment parenting, especially where it strengthens the breastfeeding relationship.  And babywearing, not stroller pushing, is what AP folks prefer.  It lines up so well with their philosophies.

But for me, while I do find babywearing to be a huge help in many circumstances, this was not one of them.  My kids are 4, 2, and 9 months, and we would have to cross a busy parking lot.  We have it down to a system.  My oldest child holds on tightly to the stroller while I push the boys, who are safest in the stroller.

In my mind that morning, as I got ready for my meeting, I waged my very own mommy war.  

 I thought of the disapproving looks I might receive, the judgments that might be made.  All because I pushed a stroller.

But I could not push the stroller.  I could make it work.  I could use the Ergo, which I keep in the van at all times, ready to go to the park, the grocery store, or many other places.  And then, when I walked into that room full of moms with their babies, I would fit right in.  I would instantly be recognized as a kindred spirit.  It wasn't that much of a stretch.  I've been called a hippy mom on more than one occasion, whether it was because of cloth diapers or a baby sling, Moby wrap, or my beloved Ergo.

And as this mommy war waged inside my head, I recognized the foolishness of it, of changing my routine and my habits just to fit in.  I would roll my eyes at a teenager for doing the same.  Why is it any less foolish for a grown woman to do it?

I laughed at myself and told my husband about my temptation.  He said it's a shame I should have to worry about it.  I said this is just how women are.

But ultimately, it's a Gabby-problem, not a problem with these women, women that I didn't even know yet.

I see the Mommy Wars waged so often that I'm ready for a fight, even before one has begun.  And the biggest issue is that I struggle with wanting to please other people instead of focusing on what is best for us, the little family that God has entrusted to me.

I used the stroller that morning and made a decision to be me.  Just as I thought, the other moms adhered to the AP style, and were a little surprised to hear that I don't co-sleep.  This mommy doesn't sleep well with a baby in her bed!  And I really don't know if I got strange looks or judgment from the ladies.  I was too busy corralling my children to notice. But I did notice how kind they were to my children, how the leader had packed toys, not for her kids, but for everyone else's.  I noticed how intentional they were about discussing the assigned topic but also meeting the needs of individual moms.

And I noticed how kind and encouraging they were to me, the lone newcomer.

Take that, Mommy Wars.  

Song {Five Minute Friday}

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Song.

Each of my children has a song.  I call it their theme song.  I think every child should have a theme song.

When my daughter was born, I used to sing "Sweet Isabelle," to the tune of "Sweet Caroline."  I would whisper it in her ear when she was upset.  Sweet Isabelle.  Good times never seemed so good.  I've been inclined to believe they never would.  

My sister said I was the baby whisperer because no matter where we were, I could calm her down by whispering Isabelle's theme song in her ear.

After so many years of singing the song this way, it feels strange to hear the Neil Diamond version sung correctly.  Doesn't everyone know it should be Sweet Isabelle?

Andrew's song is to the tune of "Winnie the Pooh."  Tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff.

And my third baby's theme song has his name, to the tune of "Skinnamarink."  I love you in the morning and in the afternoon, and early in the evening and underneath the moon."  

Every baby has a theme song.

But my daughter is 4 now.  She still gets a big grin on her face when she hears her song because in her little world, everything revolves around her, and it only makes sense that every song should revolve around her too.

Yet she has changed her mind on her theme song.  When she hears me sing "Jesus Loves Me" to her two year old brother, to her baby brother,  and even to her when she feels sad or scared, she tells me what she thinks of her theme song.

"Mommy, that's my theme song."

Little ones to Him belong
They are weak, but He is strong.
Yes Jesus loves me
The Bible tells me so.

I do believe she's right about that.


What songs do you love to sing your little ones?  

Making Birthday Cakes at Home: The Minnie Mouse Cake. Living with Food Allergies Series

This spring, four children have died from anaphylaxis, and of those four, three had peanut allergies, like my son, who is also allergic to cashews and chickpeas.  In honor of Food Allergy Awareness Week 2013, I'm posting pictures of my children's nut allergy friendly birthday cakes.  You can see two other cakes I've shared by clicking here and here.

My daughter turned 4 in December and is a creature of habit.  When asked what type of cake she wanted for her birthday, she insisted on a Minnie Mouse cake.  Why?  Because that's what she had when she turned 3!

Izzy, 3, blowing out the candles on her birthday cake.  Nana and Aunt Dominique made this one.

I tried to encourage her to go with something different, but then thought better of it.  The Minnie Mouse cake was easy, we'd already done it before, and it would make her happy.  Plus, she would get to celebrate her birthday at Disney World in a few weeks, so this seemed like the perfect year for yet another Minnie Mouse cake.

My big girl, now 4, loving her Minnie Mouse cake.  Mommy & Nana made this one.

This was the cake I learned on, my first fondant cake.  My mom talked me through the process step-by-step and showed me how to make the fondant.

Step 1:  Bake your cakes and let them cool.   We opted for a tiered cake this time, instead of the square one from the previous year.   Choose a nut-free cake mix, like Betty Crocker or Pillsbury.    

Step 2:  Make marshmallow fondant.  Add pink coloring and reserve some fondant to stay white for the polka dots.  Cover the cakes.  We used a simple recipe that my mom found on youtube.  I'm sure there are plenty of good recipes out there, but this one involves microwaving marshmallows, adding powdered sugar and a dab of Crisco.   AmeriColor makes nut-free decorator colors that are just as good as Wilton, without the nuts.  

Step 3:  Trace or draw a Mickey Mouse outline on black sugar sheets, which are usually nut-free. Cut with a clean pair of scissors and use a dab of water to make the cutouts adhere to the cake.  We only made three and placed them strategically around the cake.

Step 4:  Use any round object to cut out polka dots from your white fondant.  Place them randomly around the cake.  You can see a big difference in the size in polka dots from one birthday cake to the next, because we used a different object.  It really doesn't matter how big or small they are.

Step 5:  Details!  We topped the cake with the Minnie Mouse ears my sister had bought at Disney World, but you can use anything cute.  A cute Minnie Mouse toy that you'll give to the birthday girl would be a great option too.  Add a white border to your cake.  Use leftover fondant scraps to make tiny bows for the mouse ears.  Add dabs of icing for the candles.  Note that my daughter insisted on princess crown candle holders.  They didn't match the cake, but well, it's her birthday cake!  She gets what she wants this time.

Variations:  In the first cake above, my mom and sister did not make fondant.  They colored the icing pink and then smoothed it out over the cake, using paper towels to create the nice flat look of fondant.  

I hope you enjoyed seeing the birthday cakes.  If I can make my kids' cakes, anyone can, because I'm really not good at this kind of thing!  It's been a challenge to learn it, but it's nice to know I can make safe and cute cakes for my kiddos.

What do you make at home instead of buying from a bakery?  Have you tried making your own birthday cakes?

Making Birthday Cakes at Home: An Easy CARS Cake. Living With Food Allergies Series

This spring, four children have died from anaphylaxis, and of those four, three had peanut allergies, like my son, who is also allergic to cashews and chickpeas.  In honor of Food Allergy Awareness Week 2013, I'm posting pictures of my children's nut allergy friendly birthday cakes.  

I hope you don't have high hopes for today's featured cake.  Unlike yesterday's fancy cake, with this birthday cake, my goal was simple:  Throw together a quick cake for an early birthday celebration with grandparents.  I made my more complex birthday cake a week later, but I just want you to see that making a nut free cake can be as simple as reading a box and being careful with your decorations.

Again, I went with our Cars theme.

Step 1:  Bake Cake.  Go with a nut-free cake, like Betty Crocker or Pillsbury.

Step 2: Frost as usual.  I'm not going to tell you how many cans of chocolate frosting went on this cake.  You would be shocked by the sugar overload.  Again, read labels to find a yummy rich chocolate frosting that is not processed with peanuts.  I love Betty Crocker.

Step 3:  Add fun stuff to the top!  Walmart now carries these great Wilton kits for decorating cakes.  We bought lightening shaped sprinkles, a candle with Mater & Lightning McQueen, and these great tire-shaped candle holders with candles.  Again, check your sprinkles!  A lot of Wilton sprinkles are not safe.


And that's it!  Enjoy the cake and try not to overdose on all the sugar.  And remember, sometimes, we don't need the fancy birthday cakes.  Honestly, our son was just as happy with this cake as the other, fancier one. Life is not about impressing people with my Facebook pictures or being the Pinterest Perfect mommy.

He loved it...

But once he saw his present from his grandparents,, he was done with the cake and wanted to go for a ride on Mater.

When you make birthday cakes for your kids, do you opt for simple or a more complex cake?

Making Birthday Cakes at Home: The CARS Cake. Living With Food Allergies Series

This spring, four children have died from anaphylaxis, and of those four, three had peanut allergies, like my son, who is also allergic to cashews and chickpeas.  In honor of Food Allergy Awareness Week 2013, I'm posting pictures of my children's nut allergy friendly birthday cakes.  

If you remember from my list of nut allergy rules, we avoid desserts and bakery food at all costs, because nuts are so common in baked goods.

After our son was diagnosed with nut allergies, I realized that I would have no choice but to learn to bake and decorate cakes, a task I usually leave to my mom and sister, who are excellent at it.  But they live five hours away, and since I can't rely on bakery cakes as an option, my mom and sister have started teaching me how to decorate cakes.  I really think people go a little bit overboard with the fancy cakes these days, so even though I usually try to keep things simple, I can't help but be a little jealous when I see the fancy cakes people purchase from bakeries.  My children will never have bakery cakes, because of my toddler's nut allergies.  But since I'm learning how to do them myself, maybe they can have fun cakes anyway, even if they're not professional quality. This week, I'll share my cakes with you.

The CARS Cake

My son is all about Lightning McQueen and Mater, so I decided a Cars themed cake would be perfect for him.  This was the first fondant cake that I made completely on my own.  I did most of the work late at night, while the kids were sleeping.  When I was trying to put on the finishing touches, I let the kids "help" decorate for the party by putting Cars stickers on the plastic table cloth.  I was desperate!

Step 1:  Choose a theme and find inspiration.  I browsed Pinterest for Cars cakes, pinning every cake I liked, no matter how complicated or simple.  You can check out my Pinterest board for birthday cake ideas here if you want to see the cakes that inspired my final creation.

My son's birthday cake.  This is the first fondant cake I made completely on my own.

Step 2:  Get realistic about your cake decorating skills.  I stink at piping frosting.  I know this.  And I have no idea how to create large objects out of fondant or modeling chocolate.  So I skipped any ideas that would require extensive use of those skills.  I also purchased a safe box mix, like Betty Crocker, for my cake.  I knew better than to attempt a homemade cake when I had so much decorating to do.

Step 3:  Bake the cake and let it cool.  Dirty ice it.  If you've watched Cake Boss, you know what this means.  You can use Wilton's* decorator frosting or make your own.  I chose to make mine and it was so much better than Wilton.  I found this recipe on youtube, but any recipe will work just fine.  Nut-free option: Use a safe frosting and safe extracts, like McCormick's butter flavoring or vanilla.  My favorite is the Honduran vanilla we've brought home from mission trips. Yum!

*A word about Wilton:  Their icing is iffy.  Last time I checked, the large cans were  not nut free but the small ones were.  Their sprinkles are iffy too.  Some are processed with nuts and some are not.  Their flavorings are usually unsafe, as is their fondant.  If you use any food items from Wilton, proceed with caution and remember to check every label every time.

Step 4:  Make your marshmallow fondant, work in food coloring until it's the right color, and cover your cake.  Again, I followed a recipe my mother had come across on youtube.  Marshmallow fondant is cheap, quick and easy to make, fun to work with, and of course, nut free.  I used the Wilton fondant tools, like the roller, mat, and smoother.  They worked out beautifully.  A pizza cutter is a great way to cut out your fondant.  AmeriColor is a great nut free food coloring.  I bought mine on Amazon.

Step 5:  Sugar sheet shapes!  Sugar sheets are one of my mom's favorite new things to try.  They're not cheap, but they're an easy way to add some pizzazz to your cake.  The colorful sheet of sugar paper is attached to a sheet of plastic, so I simply flip the paper over and use a marker to draw my designs on the plastic.  Then I use a clean pair of scissors to cut out the design.  A dab of water makes it adhere to the cake.  For our Cars cake, I drew objects on brown sugar sheets that reminded me of the landscape of Radiator Springs, white clouds, a black two, and yellow lines for the road on the number two.  Last time I checked, sugar paper were nut free, but with Wilton, you never know, so be sure to check before you buy!   

Step 6:  Pipe the icing.  I chose a simple design for the edges of my cake, using just a basic round tip.  Then I wrote my son's name on the cake and added a couple of icing blobs to help the cars and candles stick to the top.  Again, I stink at piping, so I try to avoid extensive piping work.

Step 7:  Top with toys to make the cake super cute.  For ours, we added Lightning McQueen and Mater, along with Cars themed candles.  

Step 8:  Enjoy!  And invite another nut allergic child to enjoy your cake too!  One of my dearest friends has a son with a nut allergy.  If I'm going to all the time and trouble of making a nut free cake for my 2 year old, then why not invite her kids over to enjoy the cake too?  For once, her son could sit at a birthday party and enjoy the same cake as every other guest.  No cupcake brought from home.  No funny looks from other kids.  Just a little boy enjoying a piece of cake.  Out of habit, he started to ask me if the ice cream was safe, so I interrupted him to tell him that yes, everything in my house was safe for him, including the ice cream.  He grinned big and dug in!  Andrew, my two year old, has no idea of the things his mommy does to keep him safe. All that mattered to him was seeing his favorite characters sitting on top of the cake.  He was a happy boy! 

Do you make your own cakes for your children?  Have you attempted fondant at home before? 

From 5K to 5 Miles, Without Training

I know a lot of you have been keeping up with my new love for running.  I never thought I would be a runner, but here I am, running regularly and loving it.

Up until recently, the most I had run was a 5K, 3.1 miles, and I'd completed two of those.  We ran in our first 5K in March, and my time was 45 minutes.  I improved my time by a few minutes in my second race in April, which I finished in 42 minutes.

Unprepared 

On Saturday, even though neither of us had ever run five miles before, my husband and I ran in a five mile race.  We didn't intentionally set out to run in the Contraband Days Five Miler.  I signed up to run virtually in the HER 5K, but since we were out of town for Mother's Day, I called my sister to ask if I could join her running club's Saturday morning run to complete the 5K with them.  The club, however, was running in the five miler, so we decided to join them.  I would wear my sister's GPS watch to get an accurate time and distance for the HER 5K race, and then keep running the five miler.

But I changed my goal.  Instead of trying to beat my pace and time in the HER 5K, which is only 3.1 miles, my goal was to have the stamina to complete the five miler.  I read advice from Jeff Galloway and decided that there was no shame in walking occasionally during the race, if that's what enabled me to complete the race without an injury.

I also knew that I would be the last person to cross the finish line, but I tried not to dwell on it.  As a perfectionist, these kinds of thoughts hurt my pride and can easily keep me from running.  In general,

if I'm not good at something, I don't even want to try.

Terrible, I know, but it's completely true.  I've had to let go of that attitude with running.

Because I hadn't trained for a longer run, I was really nervous. Two days beforehand, I ran four miles to challenge my body and see if I could do it.  I was completely shocked to see that I really could run four miles, and walking for a minute after completing each mile really enabled me to recover quickly and keep running.  Five miles suddenly felt possible.

Race Day

On race day, I felt terrible.  We arrived at my mom's house in Louisiana around 11 pm, and it was well after midnight by the time we got the kids and ourselves in bed.  Sleeping near me in the pack and play, my nine month old decided to wake up several times during the night to nurse, so by the time my alarm went off at 5:30 am, I felt like I'd been run over by a Mack truck.  But I got up, fed the baby (again) so that I could leave him with my mom for a few hours, and got ready for the race.

The race itself was amazing.  The weather was perfect for it, breezy and cool in the morning, though it warmed up quickly, and my husband and I had almost forgotten about that South Louisiana humidity.  The route was beautiful, running along Lake Charles on Shell Beach Drive.

I started walking for a minute at a time around the 1 mile point, way before I felt tired, as Galloway had suggested. When I neared the 2 mile point, I started walking again, but as I walked, I looked at my time and realized I could actually beat my 5K time.  I ran hard, and when I saw other runners stopping to walk as they approached mile 3, I kept going so that I could beat my time.

After I finished the 5K, I took a walk break to recover, and I continued to walk/run until I hit the four mile mark.  I wanted to run the entire last mile, and I knew that I could push myself to do it.  As I ran that last mile, I started passing up runners who had passed me long ago in the race.  And when I neared the finish line, I ran harder so that I could get the best time and pace possible.

Results

Personal bests all around:  My husband beat his pace and ran the 5 Miler with a sub 8 minute mile. His time was 39:25.

I beat my pace too.  I finished the 5K in 39:40, beating my 42 minute 5K from last month.  My pace was 12:48/mile, a vast improvement from the 15 minute and 14 minute miles I've been running.  And I was so happy to get it under 40 minutes!  I finished the 5 Miler in 1:05:23, which puts my pace at 13:05/mile.  

That means I ran faster, farther, and longer than I'd ever run before.

And I wasn't the last one to cross the finish line.  There were about 25 runners behind me, and I finished just a few minutes behind my twin sister, who is my running inspiration.  She has run two marathons and considers a five mile run to be a short run.

These are great times for me,  a new runner with weight to lose.  I've noticed my pace improving as the pounds come off.  It's a really beautiful cycle.  The more I run, the more weight I lose, and the more weight I lose, the better I run.  It's motivating and exciting.  It feels amazing to challenge and push myself every week.

How are you challenging yourself lately?  Are you like me, and prefer not to try something if you're not going to succeed, or do you allow yourself to fail sometimes?  

Comfort {Five Minute Friday}

Comfort.

That's all my little girl needed when she ran into the kitchen, crying that her little brother had hit her again.  I'm sure she took a toy from him or wasn't sharing with him, so I knew there was another side to this story.

I was busy working on dinner, doing my multi-tasking.  Cleaning, cooking, and cleaning some more.

And she was crying.

I knew she wasn't really hurt.  It was just her little feelings that needed some comfort.

Everything in me wanted to say "Get over it."

I have things to do.  Doesn't she know that I've got a job to do?  Doesn't she want to eat?  Doesn't she realize that I'm working on the job of motherhood?  

I just want to get dinner cooked.  I just want to get the house in order.  I just want to get this laundry put away before daddy gets home.

And she needs comfort for a wound that wasn't even there.


And I fought the battle that wages inside of me, the side of me that wants to put tasks over people, my to-do list over my daughter.

So I sigh, and I sit on the kitchen floor, the not-so-clean floor with too many Cheerios left over from the baby's snack time, and I pull her into my lap, saying "I'm sorry, baby girl.  I love you."  

And she smiles, says it's OK, and goes back to playing.  She's happy with mommy and can forgive her brother, because mommy gave her comfort.

Truly, this is the job of motherhood.  Not the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning.

Comfort.

STOP.

This post is part of Five Minute Friday.